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| » it's been a long time... | |
I am scared. I am scared of many things. Like my dentist. You know it's funny, last week I bumped into some kind of bodybuilder guy who wanted to kick my ass. I wasn't scared at all. But my dentist scares the shit out me. The thing with my dentist is, that it's kinda been a long time since I saw him. To be exact, it's been like four years now. The last time I got my teeth checked, he told me that everything is fine, and I have healthy teeth. I interpreted that as a "you don't have to come here again. Ever!". And so I went out and, well... never came back again. Now I have all those people around me, that go to the dentist at least two times a year. I got scared. If it's that quiet in my mouth, somethings gotta be wrong. Why am I scared, if there seems to be no problem with my teeth, you might ask. Here is the point: Since you are a kid and have teeth, you're being told, that it's necessary to visit the dentist at least twice a year. If you visit the dentist, after four years, and everything would be ok, that would be against everything we've been teached. And don't forget, that the dentist loses money if you don't come to him on a regular basis. So basically he has to find something, in order to tell me how bad my behaviour was. He will do something to my teeth! There is no way he will say soemthing like "long time no see. Everything is great. See you in four years". So basically I'm scared to death to visit my dentist. Sometimes I ask myself: Is this fear justified, or am I just a sissy? Well, I am scared by a lot of things. Like women with hair under their arms. Hairy women scare me to death. I'd rather touch a wild bear than a hairy women. Why? Because bears are supposed to be hairy, but if a women has hair everywhere, you know she isn't much into the "shower-thing" too... It's not that I have low selfesteem. Like those many internet geeks. I know a guy, who is so desperate, that he buys stuff on ebay just to get the good ratings and positive comments. Being scared is a good thing. It just means you are "cautious". You know there are many idiots out there, who think they are brave, but in fact they are just stupid. Like superheroes. I can't stand superheroes. Fuck Batman! There, I said it. Cussing about comic heros in the internet... thats the bravest thing I've done lately. Superheroes suck ass. I don't believe this superpower shit. Actually there is a proof, that no superhero exsists. No, I'm not talking about the "9/11-Where-was-Spider-Man-when-the-Twin-Towers-collapsed"-bullshit. I'm talking about Hugh Hefner. Thats right Hugh Hefner. Hugh Hefner is the man on earth, that comes closest to Bruce Wayne. A bored millionaire with a famous mansion and a very secret cave. But instead of becoming a superhero and inventing crazy ass stuff, he decided to be a pimp. One day he thought: I am old. I am rich. I should do something usefull. And he did. He bought a house in L.A., he put a little lagoon in it and invited naked girls to live there. Now he celebrates parties with playmates and celebrities all day long. I know I am not on the same level here as you comic-geeks, but to me, Hugh Hefner is closer to the definition of superhero than all of the X-Men together. Another man, that should get his own Marvel-Comic, is Jack Bauer. Bauer is the star of the hit show "24". If there would be Jack Bauer in real life, Osama Bin Laden would be sitting in the Jerry Springer Show right next to Hulk Hogan, The British Bulldog and Captain America, by now. Jack Bauer kicks ass. What he goes through in 24 hours, is more than Spider-Man accomplished in over 40 years. And he did it without gay costumes or stupid fake indentities ("moronic journalist"). Spider-Man blows compared to Jack Bauer! Talking about blow: Sigfried and Roy are superheroes! I don't care if you believe in magic or not, but if two german fags with ugly haircuts go to Las Vegas and make millions of dollars by teleporting tigers from A to B, they must possess some kind of super power. I really admire those magicians. David Copperfield for instance. I know he looks like Liz Taylor, but who cares? He fucked Claudia Schiffer! And I don't think it's the money that attracted the german supermodel. No, she wanted to know how a magician is in bed. I mean, even though I'm not gay, I'm wondering how a man, that can go through the "chinese wall" will do in bed. It definitely wasn't the money Schiffer was looking for. If you ask me, David Copperfield could be much richer by now. I know he already is a rich motherfucker, but imagine how much money he could make, if he would do Home Shopping TV! I mean, people believe every shit they see on Home Shopping Television and they buy it. Like that super-wax, that protects your car from laserbeams and acid-rain. People see that stuff on TV and go mad. They buy this stuff like crazy. Would I buy it? Sure, if I were a stormtrooper and have my garage on the deathstar... Now imagine David Copperfield in one of these Home Shopping shows. Instead of polishing a car with shitty wax, Copperfield comes in and makes the car disappear! No need for park places, no need for car-wax. All you need is to buy this magic "scroll" and you are done. I wished I could be a magician! I bet David Copperfield isn't scared of his dentist. If he has problems with his teeth, he casts a spell and they shine again. I wonder if Mike Tyson is scared of his dentist. Probably not. Not much to lose there... Well I guess I have to be a man and go to see the doc... |
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| © Etienne Gardé am 19.06.2004 | |