Have you been to the movies lately? Let me tell you something. Watching a movie in a theater is like driving around in your car: Everyone else seems to be a fucking idiot.

So I went to see the new Tarantino. Nice flick, without a doubt. But it would've been much better, if there were less retards in the theater. If you ask me, they shouldn't check the age before letting people in, they should ask them some questions. If they answer correctly, they may pass, if not, dump 'em.

Clerk: What's better "Titanic" or "Die Hard"?
Customer: You know, I really loved the scene, where Leo…
Clerk: No Movie for you pal!

Clerk: Lakers or Nets?
Customer: You know, I'm no big fan of Baseball, but I would say…
Clerk: Too bad...

Clerk: Christina Aguilera or Britney Spears
Customer: I'd pick Britney
Clerk: Nah
Customer: Christina?
Clerk: Nope
Customer: Threesome?
Clerk: Row 15, Seat 20.

See it's easy to sort out the people, that just don't deserve a good movie.
So I was sitting in my seat when the same thing happend, that ALWAYS happens when you wanna watch a movie. Some Basketball dude is entering the god damn theater. He was wearing a jersey of Allen Iverson, which was kinda funny, because there would've been no problem if he'd been -in fact- Allen Iverson. Unfortunately This guy was more a Mutambo type of player plus he was wearing an afro like Nordberg had in that on scene of "The Naked Gun 33 1/3".
So he sits himself right in front of me. I tell you, I've seen more hair than in a 70's porno-flick. This man was a walking solar eclipse. I mean, this guy had a whole jungle on his head. I felt like Mowgli, but Baloo wasn't there to save me!
That dude was so huge, that I wondered if the sourround sound would reach him. Probably only mono if you ears are that high...
Anyway. So I decided to move some seats. (I mean, I could have punched that guy in the face and told him to move his ass in the first row, but I didn't want to cause a stir, you know. I'm a sensitive guy...) So we moved some seats to the right, when the rest of his team entered. I suddenly realized two things:

1. We are doomed! The whole row in front of us will be taken by the Harlem Globetrotters
2. Now I can't even punch him anymore

So we moved, again, now in front of them.

-Short Intermission-
Have you ever heard of the "perfect spot"? The "right place"? It's like the acoustic oasis in the desert of noises. It's like a lagoon in the labyrinth of moving pictures. To cut a long story short: It's in the middle of the theater!

When I am going to the movies, I always try to get the "perfect spot". If you sit on the "perfec spot" you have the best view and the best acoustics. The problem is though, that if you don't have "the spot", you always are angry because someone else does. And the more you move away from "the spot", the more you're pissed. And please don't tell me you can watch the movie from every seat. That's bullshit.
If I didn't care about acoustics and view, I would've downloaded the shit.
-End of Intermission-

Now there is a thin line between the "perfect spot" and fucked up seats. When we moved in front of the jungle, we were so close to the screen, that I had to ask my girl constantly what was happening on the right side of the screen, while I was concentrating on the left side. At that point, the day was already ruined. But it came worse.
As we sat there, eating popcorn and nachos, some kids entered the room. It was obvious they were far too young for this movie, but somehow they managed to cheat their way in. Probably some Basketball-Nerds, that knew the answer to the Lakers question... Damn, I wished they had referees for theaters.
However, those stupid kids entered and smiled like the guy on the homeshopping channel, that tries to sell car-wax, which protects your car from laser-rifles and
acid-rain. So those kids sat on their seats and you could tell that they were young, because they didn't check out the chicks. If I enter a movie theater, I always check for chicks. Even if you are with a chick, you still have to check. It's like an unwritten rule of machosim. You do it while you take off your coat, or you turn around and pretend to look after someone you possibly know, but in fact you are checking out the ladies. It's not that I hit on them in the theater or something, it's more like a reflex. You buy nachos, you get two liters of coke, you take your seat and you check for chicks. But those two fellas didn't check for the girls, they were far too busy with smiling. If Batman was here, he would've kicked some serious ass, because those little brats brought back memories of Joker...

They sat next to us, when the commercials started.
Now the kids suddenly stopped smiling, and started playing the commercial game. You know the "guess the spot"-game... I hate that game. Why don't they
try to guess what I'm thinking while they're playing?
It's like Eddie Murphy said to Stevie Wonder while driving in a car: "Wanna impress me? Try and take the Wheel for a while motherfucker!"

Knowing a commercial is not a cool thing. It's not even broasting with your general knowledge. It's not something you wanna share, if you know it. FFS no one cares. Some people just seem to have more fun with that stupid game, than with the actual movie. It's like some people just go to the movies to play that game. "Damn! Commercials are over, let's go home".
After the commercials, are the movie trailers. People tend to judge a movie only by seeing a minute of the trailer. I know a guy, that saw the Hulk teaser once. All you can see in the freaking teaser is a green eye!
After he saw that, he told everyone how much the animations of that movie sucked, and that he already knows whats going to happen and what the story will be like. Like it's a kept secret, that Bruce Banner is turning to Hulk when he gets mad. It's like telling people: "You know that ship, the 'Titanic'. It's going to sink!". Really?
You don't say...
(Bruce Banner feels how his legs are becoming bigger)

I'm a patient person. I don't hate kids. I even tolerate the sound of M&Ms while watching a movie, but somehow, I attract shitheads. I don't know what it is. I am not an aggressive man. When Tarantino was asked, "don't you think, that violent movies encourage young people to do something stupid?" He answered: "I don't know if violent movies encourage violence, but my movies are worth to find out."

I don't know much about violence. But I've seen "Kill Bill", and it wasn't the movie, that turned me all green and messed with my Jeans...