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| » criminal energies | |
"The source of every crime, is some defect of the understanding; or some error in reasoning; or some sudden force of the passions."I think every human being has criminal energies. Some more, some less. It's the fun of the forbidden. It's the feeling that lives in everyone of us, the feeling, that (long before there were gangs, the mob or the music industry) already made Eve touch that damn apple. That stupid bitch. What was she thinking? If I would wake up naked in paradise and a strange voice would suddenly whisper in my ear "don't touch the apples, or I take you down" I swear to god, I would follow the instructions! I would lay down in the gras, fool around with my naked friend, have some grapes and just chill. It would take more than a little talking snake to make me touch that apple. But what is that stupid blonde doing? She is saying "Aww... come on Adam, that slippery fuck is right, don't be such as sissi, I'm starving..." And there she goes... The only reason, why god created women is, because sheep can't bring you beer from the fridge. -Feminist Interlude- Stop telling me, that's why he created men in the first place. Thats bullshit. Men don't bring beer from the fridge either. They drink it by themself. -End of Interlude- Since that incident, almost everything was fucked up. All hell break loose... Since that day, all humans are possesed from some kind of criminal energy. And by "criminal energies" I mean everything, that is done intentionally to annoy other people. It sometimes shows up, in very early stages of your life. Like in kindergarten, when all the kids are doing stupid puzzles. In that age, puzzles aren't exactly puzzles, they are more like pictures split in four different parts. And even though you are very young and probably a stupid kid, the hardest thing about that puzzle isn't getting the parts together, it's trying NOT to swallow one of the parts. It doesn't matter what kind of game you are playing. If you are under five years of age, everything looks tasty to you. It's funny because kids do so much stupid stuff, it's worth an own column. Like when they don't eat their food, but their toys. What's the deal in that? There was a time, when I prefered to eat Luke Skywalkers blaster than the delicious pie my grandma made... When I was in kindergarten, I ate everything that I wasn't supposed to. I ate worms, that I dug up. I didn't care where they came from or what plans they actually had. I just wanted to eat them. I ate lego parts, I ate cigarettes, I even ate the hair-parts of that crappy playmobil toys (you know the 70's plastic-haricuts, that came in three different colors). I ate everything. Solving puzzles consisting of four parts was no big deal. Not swallowing one of the parts: BIG DEAL! But besides of swallowing stuff, I kinda tend to steal stuff too. The difference when you are a kid is though, that you don't steal stuff, that you actually need, you steal stuff, that others need. Like a piece of a puzzle. After my time in kindergarten, I swear to god, no one could finish a single puzzle there. I had at least all the corner pieces of the puzzles bunkered at home. I still have them energies in me. The other day I was driving on the highway. Usually no one cares about speed limits on german highways, unless a police car is driving nearby. Now of course the job of a police officer is, to annoy as much people as they possibly can. So they drive the exact allowed speed limit. That way, everyone who passes them, is a pontential criminal. So that day, I wanted to show the world (and with world, I mean all the chumps on that highway, that didn't had the balls and just drove in line), that I am a gangxsta! So it came, that even though I saw the police car, I didn't brake. I slowed down just a little bit, that way I was fast enough to pass them, but still too slow, that it would made them stop me. Allthough I was a little nervous when I passed them, I can tell you, it was a great feeling. I thought about how pissed the cops would be. Thinking if the paper work would be worth to pull me over. I thought of all the cars I left behind me. I thought about all the couples that were driving behind that police car, and I imagined how the girls said "look at this brave young fellow, thus he has no fear and he won't be suppressed by the evil men!". Criminal energies are flowing in everyone. It doesn't necessarily mean, that you have to steal something. Sometimes lying satisfies the criminal minded, sometimes annoying is the way to satisfy the criminal needs. Most people become a professional during the time in school. Since teachers are the enemies and incarnate everything that is evil, lying and betraying them kinda gives you the Robin Hood credibility. I became a professional cheater in school. I was so good in cheating in tests, that I sometimes thought about becoming a professional pimp in Vegas. You develop criminal skills subconsciously. And you use them the same way. I know a guy, who is like the most rightous man alive. But when he stays in a hotel, he becomes Eric Cleptomaniac. Towles, toilettpaper, soap... he even goes for the hair dryer with his little toolkit. It's not like he needs that stuff. Who needs more than one hair drayer? It's not like he's touring with the Jackson Five. He just needs to satisfy his criminal passions. Like the people, that go to McDonalds, order their stuff and take like one zillion napkins. This one guy from my work, when he goes to McDonalds, he takes ALL the napkins. What the hell does he want with all the napkins? He could use them as a damn pillow, or I don't know, throw them into the pacific ocean and watch it run dry... Criminal energies are all over the place. It's the stuff, people do, just to annoy other people. Mostly people that have some certain "power", take advantage of their positions to satisfy their criminal needs. Ever wondered, why it takes so long when you are in the mall and you need some service personnel, but no one seems to be around? You stand there, wondering, why no one can give you advice, or hand you the stuff you just want to buy. No one seems to notice you, UNTIL of course, you attempt to steal something. The minute you take something from the shelve and hide it under your sweater, the minute you enter the tiny storage-room behind the curtain, the minute you touch something, that you weren't allowed to touch, SUDDENLY someone official is showing up. You can stand in the middle of a shop shouting "I WANT TO BUY THIS DVD PLAYER!" and no one cares. But the moment you just take it, there is someone yelling at you "PUT THE PLAYER DOWN... I SAID PUT IT DOWN!". There are more criminals out there. Have you ever noticed, that cab-drivers behave like complete idiots in the streets?Like the traffic laws and rules don't apply to them? Like they "own" the streets? Have you noticed that cab drivers drive faster than cops and they drive through more oneway-streets than kids on bikes? No? Than it's probably because you were actually driving IN a cab! Thats right. If you are driving in a cab, suddenly, the cabby starts to care about speed limits, oneway-streets and forbidden shortcuts. If you hired a cab, the driver will brake instantly when the traffic lights turn red. In fact they carefully slow down in front of every single traffic light, because it might turn red every second. "Sir, why are we slowing down, it's green!?" "Yeah, but I fear it will be red every minute, so I'd better be prepared!". Doctors have criminal energies too. They are smarter though. When you have the flu you go see a doctor right? WRONG! The worst thing you can do, when you have the flu ...(Eminem style!), is to go see a doctor. Because there is nothing you gain from visiting the doctor. You go to the practice, then they make you sit in the waiting room for like three hours, just long enough too infect all other patients with your virus (while in the background "the circle of life" from "The Lion King"-Soundtrack is playing), than you finally get to see the doc for like two minutes. He shakes your hand, asks you what the problem is, but doesn't listen to the answer, he than takes a look into your mouth and says something like "uhm...", then he sits down prescribes you some medicine of his own factory and sends you back home. I once went to the doctor just to test him. I cut my arm and was bleeding terribly. When I almost ran out of blood he called me in. He asked me 'what's wrong', and I said "I think I'm losing too much blood, Sir". He said "interesting", looked down my throat and prescribed me a package of "always". Why do I have to sit and wait for three hours in a waiting room, when the treatment takes about three minutes? I tell you why. It's two things. 1. They wanna make you suffer, because you came without an appointment. That way they hope, next time when you become sick, you make an appointment, like two weeks before you actually get sick. They want you to feel guilty! 2. Waiting in the waiting room can't be a good thing for your health. Most waiting rooms are tiny little rooms, with no windows or whatsoever. You have all kinds of fucked up and sick people hanging around in there. But the worst thing is, they don't even know WHAT they have. So there might be the slight chance, that the guy, who's sitting next to you, carries the most contagious virus of all times. And he is going to ask you, if you can hand him *cough* some magazine... So they sit you in there so long, that even if there is nothing wrong with you and you are in fact perfectly healthy, at the latest after THAT visit you are sick. And they want you to be sick. Because if no one is sick, no one needs a doctor, right? Criminal Energies are in everyone of us. You just have to find your own "criminal passion" and live it. It feels good to do something bad. In fact, everybody should do something bad from time to time. Being a badass is kinda purifying the soul. If people would push little kids from the swing once in a while, if employees would put stuff in the office printer to block it, if people would kick little dogs from time to time, the world would be a better place... |
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| © Etienne Gardé am 04.01.2004 | |